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having a baby is hard. really REALLY hard. so of course i took time off to learn how to be a mom and all that good stuff. i figured i wouldn’t miss SL much because i haven’t been getting on there much lately but when you are suddenly unable to get to your safe happy spot in the middle of chaos, it can be quite unnerving.

second life has always been an escape for me, and that is usually something bad. in my case however its a necessity. i need that escape time to center myself and regain control. to stop the potential melt downs.

but i am an adult, and i have a baby boy to take care of, and sometimes escape is impossible. and so i was cracking ever so slowly under the chaos of being a mother.

babies do not sleep. i expected this, and laughed it off because i barely sleep either. but i did not realize that baby not sleeping meant baby not happy… and when babies are not happy, they start to destroy the fabric of space and time and you become a walking zombie with a baby on your boob at all hours of the day (or a bottle in your hand if you prefer).

and there is no escape.

i vented all over the place which is bad, got mad at people trying to give advice that i didn’t agree with, and all around was a douche bag in my opinion.

then my son finally learned to sleep. and i had a few hours of blissful escape when he went to bed.

everything was calm. everything was fine.

a routine has set in and now after a sweet early xmas present from family, i get my chance to escape from this chaos, and de-stress. they bought me a laptop, that can run second life, and now i don’t have to quietly sneak away from a sleeping baby only to run back in when he wakes again. i can sit next to him and snuggle and still have my escape.

balance. i needed balance.

i am trying here and there to pop in to second life (and also world of warcraft) when i can. i’ve even made a few things for my store. i’m hoping to return to blogging and photo taking, as time allows. the laptop graphics aren’t as good as my desktop, so photos will still be done at the desk, but at least i can write in bed and visit with friends. and not feel so disconnected.

november brought about a big change in my life, and i forgot to really write about it on here. i broke up with lucas, reconciled differences with a long lost rl love, and now live safe and happy in his home where i’ll be slowly creating another human being for the next few months… the hardest work of art i’ll probably ever create.

i’ve barely been on second life since. i did make a new store, to continue to sell the cool stuff i created under the [LuNi] name. unlike lucas, i am not using any of the items created by the both of us. he however is still selling my work, under his name, on marketplace… i do not have the time nor money to dcma all of the things he has up, but i hope he will at some point realize that this is wrong and remove them.

there were a lot of things i could not say, or do, when i was with lucas. he kept me caged up a bit, even though he’d say he never told me i couldn’t do things. his anger at me when i would do as i wished was enough to keep me locked away.

i am my own person now. and no one tells me what to do. i am enjoying my life, however its now more outside of second life than it was before. i recall being so envious of people who would leave second life, citing they had rl stuff to attend to… i finally have that, and it feels good to not NEED to log in.

i do enjoy logging in now and then, to visit with people, and play dress up. i do want to continue my fashion blog and i should write here once in a while, but i’m just not around as much as i was before…

my life is finally exciting. i have real love that doesn’t lock me away in cages and limit my interaction with the rest of the world. i’m smiling now instead of crying (except when those damn pregnancy hormones kick in) life is beautiful.