my 6th rez day is on the 11th but unfortunately i won’t be able to celebrate it because i will be at a doctor’s appointment getting needles stabbed into me (yay glucose test…bleh) so i figured i’d write a little blog early to celebrate the day.
when i rezzed into second life i was not looking for anything specific, i wasn’t there for fame, money, or sex. i just wanted something to do. i needed something to waste time on, and wasting time is what i did.
but while i wasted time i also gained quite a bit. good friends, good and bad experiences, and a few awesome new skills. i gained confidence, and social skills that i was severely lacking before hand. although i am still socially awkward and will probably always be that way, i feel that i am much better at expressing my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, to other people because of the experience i’ve had in second life.
thanks to second life i was able to open up and be friendly and make friends, something i have a hard time with in the real world. i gained a support net which helped carry me though some horrible times in my life, the death of my father, the death of my mother, and trying to climb though years of depression that had built up around me like a brick wall.
my 5th year in second life ended with a major change that left me a bit lonely in second life. i no longer have a partner there. this was my choice, and ultimately the best decision i could have come to. but it left me without much of a tie to second life. i can speak to most of my friends via other means, plurk, twitter, and things like that. i spend more time in the real world now which is great but i do miss my virtual world. i just can’t seem to find something that attaches me to it anymore. now with the coming of my son, i find myself even less interested in sitting in a chair.
i am not leaving second life, and this is obviously not a goodbye post, but something about second life seems lost to me now, just like real life used to. it is strange how things have flipped almost completely. i will keep logging in, keep shopping, keep wasting time (what time i have of course..), but its lonely here now and i feel disconnected. i feel uninspired… its like the rl human who entered second life is now in the virtual world, and the avatar that took from second life, all she needed, has become the human being.
i have no idea what i was trying to get at with this ramble, but yeah.. that’s where i am at the moment. over-complex as always.
happy 6 years nimil blackflag, you have served me well.