Blah Blah Blah

yes, i get bored, and i search my name on sites. this time, i searched on plurk, because i left and i thought, hey lets see if anyone misses me. well i didn’t get anything recent, got a couple of cute posts from moggsy and then some interesting shit from back in jan/feb.

first i found an old plurk of smiley’s that mentioned that my and lucas wikia entries had been defaced (thankfully smiley is an admin there, and reverted them.) so i went and looked, and well, i’m pretty sure who defaced the entries, it looks familiar… so fuck you wikia entry editing asshole who will remain nameless because i have no definite proof of who you are.

but then also i found this shit:

HawksRock is grumpy today, but just wanna say that I am getting tired of the Nimil-esquing of my timeline with emo crap, snap out of it people!
posted on February 05, 2009 at 06:58PM

wtf is this shit? seriously.. WTF… why the hell am i being picked on here?? was that seriously necessary? i have problems with depression, i don’t consider that emo, i consider that a fucking mental issue. so yeah, that pissed me off. i know its old but seriously.. fuck you jackass.

both of these things occurred in feb, and now i’m kinda wondering wtf happened in feb to rile up the i hate nimil club.

other creepy things that occur when looking up my name include:

finding a list of sl names with my and my ex-twin’s name right next to each other, even though he and i do not share a rezday, nor are we near each other alphabetically… yet google shows us right next to each other.

a link to my landlady’s webpage, which lists me as a teacher in the bdsm classroom, even though i’ve never taught a class >_> (i was supposed to do one on avatar improvement but lazy kicked in)

well i’m off to see harry potter, so, to end the blog i’ll just toss a photo here that i did earlier today, kind of a late tribute to michael.

19/365 — i love my job

Originally uploaded by //[Nimil]

yesterday i sat down and made an entire dress in homage to carrie. a long time ago, when i was an angsty little teen in a bible belt highschool, people used to say they expected me to show up at prom like this. or at least set the prom on fire or something. well i disappointed (slightly.. because i did arrive at my senior prom in a hearse!) but i have always loved the carrie book, and so now that i am confident with making clothing (sorta confident anyway) i figured i would try to make her dress. i made a blood splattered one, as well as a before the blood version, but i think i like this one better :p

it will be for sale soon 🙂

18/365

Originally uploaded by //[Nimil]

yesterday was a time of reflection for me…

someone i barely knew died and it was a shock to so many of my friends that even i felt their sorrow and loss.

my last encounter with rheta was not a happy one. she had irritated me on plurk, and i did what i always do when someone irritates me. i deleted her.

i regret not getting to know her better… i am horrible at first impressions and tend to cut people off like that…

yesterday it was learned that poor rheta, 9 months pregnant, was hit by a van in april and died. no one found out until yesterday when a blog was posted by the person who did the tech stuff for her blog.

my condolences go out to her family and to her friends in sl.

i have a hard time with death, it leaves me at a loss for words, and frightened of my own mortality… i go into a little turtle shell and refuse to come out.

when i need time to think.. i go to the ocean. that’s something i have always loved about second life. no matter where i am, i am never far from the water. its strange that someone like me, who is afraid to swim, and can’t even stand the sun too much, loves the ocean and beaches… watching the waves makes me smile, and it calms my mind when thoughts become unbearable.

14/365 — i’ve got nothin’

Originally uploaded by //[Nimil]

i haven’t written in a while so bleh i will do that now.

the adult content crap has of course been weighing heavily on my mind, as i worry that because of the contradicting statements of LL i will no longer be able to live where i do, and our store will have to move, because the island we live on is going to definitely be flagged “adult”, as well as the island our store is on.

now according to LL, Payment info on file (or payment info used) is enough to be concidered verified as an adult, and you will not have to use the awful aristotle verification method. i HOPE that this is correct, because some of their other statements have made it seem like piof/piu is NOT enough to verify as an adult.

personally i do not like the idea of giving my SSN to anyone i don’t have to. not to mention the thing doesn’t really even work, as a friend told me she put in the required info and it told her she was not who she said she was.

so i really hope that everything with that turns out ok, i would hate to miss out on fun things to do just because i dislike the idea of giving my sensitive personal information to a non-goverment, non-work related party.

another thing pissing people off is the new RC. it pretty much broke everyone’s skins. RC0 made your system makeup layers on top of your skin instead of under, which made everyone look like shit. and now with RC1 people are transparent! yes i realize that the RC is for testing and therefore things are broken but good grief! worst RC ever!

in personal news, my ao suddenly became lost from the database a few days ago. i was devastated. i’ve had that ao since 2006, and it was full of non-copy animations as well as a few animations that cannot be replaced due to the creator no longer existing in second life.

i sent in a ticket, and didn’t hold out much hope since i am a basic account and i have been told that basic account tickets pretty much get ignored. but i was responded to, rather promptly i might add! a linden ran a recovery program on my inventory, and had me clear cache and log into an ocean sim. i waited for over an hour for my full inventory (64k+) to load. sadly the ao was not recovered. they apologized that they could not bring back my ao and then PAID ME 3000L$ FOR MY TROUBLE!!!

i was shocked, i never expected to get a response let alone money! but sadly it still doesn’t bring back my ao which i have had with me for almost all of my second life. i bought back what i could of my stands and walks and what not, and thankfully now animation creators make their animations copy/no trans so this time around i won’t lose them if the ao goes poof.

i joined the flickr group for second life 365. i have always ment to do a 365 for my second life but i get lazy and i forgot. when i saw someone else on my photostream doing one i decided to join and try it out. you can view the set here as it grows.

and that’s all that’s been going on in my world. should probably try to work or something but i’ve been so lazy…

hello blog. i’m sorry i’ve neglected you…

the vain hunt ended without more annoyances. thank you to those who took a moment to blog our key, you guys are awesome! i hope everyone had a wonderful valentines day.  i spent mine with my wonderful other half, remenicing about our noobish days when we first met and fell in love.. aw.. *barfs* :p

so the twisted hunt started but we didn’t have a chance to join it sadly.. the gifts on the hunt are pretty good though, i highly reccomend checking it out, even though some of the stores have hidden the boxes so well that i’ve had to im store owners for hints and i never do that..so be ready for a challenge.

i’ve started plowing into the world of clothing. i still suck at it but hell yes i made pants the other day and they were only slightly sucktastic!

yes i know it needs work, don’t hate, we all have to start somewhere.. but woot pants!

i also managed to make a pretty bad ass loin cloth thing (ok lucas made the belt part..) and ran around as an elven warrior princess for about a day and a half.. i dunno if we are gonna sell these or something but it was fun to make.

most of my time recently has been sorting inventory lol i let my inventory go to hell in a handbasket in only a weeks time X_x my ocd is angry at me…

i did manage to do a couple of spiffy pics though.

see its not always dark in my head :p. that last picture was me reshooting a photo from 2006 taken in that very spot. i have such a pretty husband.

lastly in recent news i have taken up fashion blogging.. sorta.. let me introduce you to forced midnight. its updated when ever i feel like it, and will include look of the night posts, as well as reviews (once i can find people who want me to review stuff lol), all of them fitting a single theme of dark, creepy, punk, spooky, etc. so if you’re into that, feel free to watch it, and also pester me remind me to actually post there.

i should get back to my inventory sorting, but i wanted to make sure i posted something for march.. i will attempt to continue to cronicle my adventures in wonderland more often.

for the past two days the vain inc hunt has been going strong. once more our store, luni designs, has been involved with the hunt and we have been having alot of fun meeting people who come to our store. for the second time we have placed our hunt item in my gallery area of the store.. this is because, my stuff is always on the second floor, and it means people have to look around a bit. not to mention a little exposure for the junk i call “art” up there.

twice now we have been complained to about the content of my gallery. the first being lalinda lovell, who after reading up on her, i have just decided to laugh off because seriously… no one can call me a sicko when they had a pedophilia camp in second life. no i’m sorry… you cannot pretend to be above me.

the second person though, it really struck me hard. firstly, i was actually there this time.. the first complaint i wasn’t around, lucas handled it and i’m glad he did. the second complaint, i was standing there.. i was called a woman hater (though i am a woman so i’m not sure how i can hate women…) i was also told that i have something wrong with me, and that it was just ugly horror junk, etc, etc.. it was pretty insulting. especially since she did all of this in open chat, which is embarassing, not just for us, but for everyone around us, and especially to her.. only someone who wants attention would do something like that. and after looking at her profile, where she states she is a part of a bloodlines vampire clan, you have to wonder just what she has a problem with.. vampires afraid of a little blood?

so here is your attention miss.

the stuff in my gallery is a sliver of me. the part of me that NEEDS to come out. the part of me that i hide behind smiley faces and lol’s. the world is not a bright and shiny place, and though you may want to see it as such, i prefer to acknowledge the dark side as well as the light.

it’s not a cry for help, its not a cry for attention. it just simply is a part of me. its a part of everyone. i just make mine visible.

90% of my art is fueled by an emotion, and a song. the gallery is a soundtrack… the emotion, is fear. fear of dying, fear of failure, fear of losing someone i love, fear of the unknown, fear of everything… i take it all and i display it for all of you to see. i don’t expect you to get it.. but i don’t want to hear that i’m a sicko or a woman hater, or what ever other self-righteous vomit you want to spew at me. you should take those emotions that this art makes you have, and realize.. i have them too. i made these images with those exact thoughts in mind. beyond that, some of these pictures are merely inspired by music and just begged to be let out. who am i to deny creative impulses?

right now the following pieces are being shown in the gallery, let me tell you more about them…

Sunbeam was inspired by the nirvana version of “jesus don’t want me for a sunbeam” that song, in my opinion, fits me very well… the image, of a girl slightly roughed up, kneeling at a window, with a sunbeam next to her, signifies the fact that alot of the time i feel just to the side of everyone… slightly disconnected… it was a very personal piece to me. sunbeam was featured in the jan. issue of avenue magazine

Pluck is a piece that actually has no personal meaning to it, however it was inspired by the biblical passage “And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.” -Matthew 18:9 and while i am not christian, i sometimes am inspired by the wording of bible passages…

Romance is a piece i made for the re-opening of the artists park gallery. it is inspired by the song “romance” by my chemical romance. it has personal meaning but was ment to illustrate how one feels when they are in love.. you are pulled in a million directions all at once.. and sometimes it can be painful…

Saint was taken while visiting the musa artis gallery last year. one of the exhibits (by my dear friend Ganymedes Costagravas) portrayed St Sebastian‘s martyrdom. lucas posed for me and i made the resulting image from it.

Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie is a portrayal of greed and selfishness.. i’m sure this one makes people go “huh?” but it is another personal piece that is hard to explain.. this is the best i can do. it is inspired by the song “gimmie gimmie gimmie” originally by the band blackflag, but for this piece i prefered the a perfect circle version, since it is more slow and sinister sounding.

Predator isn’t really a personal thing.. i like vampires.. i find them to be very sexy.. they are however, predators of the night.. they hunt and stalk humans like animals to prey.. this was originally a snapshot of lucas in a haunted house on an upside down poseball that i doctored into this picture as a way to test my photo manipulation skillz because i hadn’t made anything in a while.

Happy was made at a slightly low point in my life and i used it as an outlet for my feelings at the time. i live in a pretty depressing home and sometimes i ask myself “when will i be happy”. this photo was taken at the asylum in bay city and is inspired by the song “shot down in flames” from the silent hill zero soundtrack.

Torso Under Glass has no personal meaning, i was merely inspired by a stock photo of a nude woman pushed against her glass shower door. i have a thing for body parts… i find them more interesting than shooting the whole person.. just a piece of them.. a leg, a hand, a torso… the human body is both beautiful and ugly…

(pardon me as the next few links will be from deviant art as i never uploaded them to flickr.)

Bad Habit is firstly, really fun to ask people’s opinion of.. some see a soul escaping the body, some see other things.. one friend told me it looked like an infected toe. the real idea behind bad habit comes from the fact that i have lost alot of family members to smoking related death. it amazes me how many people willingly slowly kill themselves every day with cigarettes… this is the ugly truth…

Suffocate is a very old piece.. one of my first photo manipulations really.. the image is inspired by the song “suffocate” by the band Cold. it has no real personal meaning.

and there you have it. if after that, you still feel the need to call me a sicko, so be it. i refuse to be shaken up by this anymore, and you will not intimidate me IN MY OWN GALLERY.

thank you to those who have supported me, and lucas for that matter, as we have sought to bring a crazy piece of ourselves to the grid.

to those who choose to fear what they do not understand, and those who lash out without first taking a moment to ask, just why these things are as they are, thank you as well… for every time you show up, and make a scene, we sell more stuff.

2 years ago on this day, i was exploring the sim gypsy moon. a guy who was hanging out in a crater im’ed me and for some reason, instead of doing as i usually do with random im’s (ignore them and flee the area) i responded to him. we sat in the crater and talked for HOURS about all kinds of stuff. we really clicked, which is weird for me, because i rarely mesh that well with anyone, especially on the first meeting. but there in that crater, i felt like i had met someone i could really enjoy spending time with.

since that day, i have never let go of him. though we may fight, as all couples do, and though we may not see eye to eye, underneath it all, he is the only person in any world that i trust. he is the only person who doesn’t judge me by what i say or do, or how fucking stupid i am sometimes.

he is amazing… and i am so glad that i met him…

and i will never let go.

i just wanted to mention that i have a picture in this month’s avenue magazine 😀 i’m on page 201 and the photo being shown is this one:

i want to thank avenue magazine for giving me the opportunity to show my work in their magazine. and paola tauber for selecting me to be a part of this.

in sad news our store was returned to us a couple of days ago.. tainted hearth is no more. my thanks to aza and lacey for having us on their wonderful sim and my hope is that they continue to create in sl and not let this setback take away their awesome imagination. i got a good set of photos of the sim before it was deleted, and i plan to post them on flickr soon. i will also post them here as soon as they are uploaded.

those of you who still want to purchase from LuNi can find us on our xstreetsl page for now. a new store will be up soon.