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17/365 “what the hell are you?”

17/365 : what the hell are you?

 

i haven’t been taking the time to post all of my 365’s but today’s i would like to dedicate to something that i feel is becoming a bit of confusion in my second life, and i want to set the record straight, and hopefully give some information on something that many of you might not have any experience with.

when i joined second life, i thought it was a community for furries, like furcadia, because the people who showed second life to me were furries, and we stuck to the furry areas. obviously my base avatar was human, but i thought that furries were the majority. once i started exploring on my own and realized this was not the case, i started to assemble avatars based on my more humanoid role playing game characters. nimil, torch, and 5880, as well as just fiddling around with an avatar that slightly resembled myself but not.

for me, second life became a place where i could visualize people i had written about for years.

in real life, i’ve always been the weird one, the “freak”. the little goth kid, and the weird girl with the weird fashion sense. this obviously traveled with me into second life, but beyond that, i was given the option to augment and change my physical form at will.

this is what made me a shape shifter.

every day i log into second life and i am given unlimited options of what i want to look like that day. most days i dress my mood. shitty day? dead girl or demon chick, happy day? silly cartoony furry avatar. or what ever my close friends are dressing as, i can match them or at least wear something complementive to their appearance.

this is why i stay in second life.

contrary to what some may believe, this is not some major lifestyle or sub culture to me. anyone can be a shape shifter. if you enjoy changing your head every day from one mesh head to another, you are a shape shifter. if some days your skin is african american, and the next day you are a pale white girl, you are a shape shifter. its that simple. that’s all there is to it. there’s no test, no membership card. you just have to enjoy your world and like to change how you look from day to day. even if you just slap on a neko tail once in a while for fun, you are a shape shifter.

of course i am sure there are some people out there that claim this as their true identity, that they do not identify as human in the real world, and instead consider themselves a shapeshifter, but that is not what i am doing. in the real world i am painfully aware that i am nothing more than a human being with one hell of an imagination. however in second life, where my options are limited only by my cash flow, i am happy to have the ability to be all the things.

how can you, dear reader, be a shape shifter? attach a tail, buy a furry avatar, try some skins that aren’t your normal tone, wear colourful hair, wear horns or non-human ears. your options are limited only by your personal imagination (and your $L). if it makes you happy, then enjoy it. don’t let venue rules, “social norms”, or the people around you scare you away from experimenting. i am completely opposed to people telling others that they cannot branch out beyond their humanoid avatars because they are usually human. you are an avatar, be what ever it is that you feel like being! in this world we are all magic. do not squash other’s dabbling in all that second life offers.

 

2/365 : Star Wars Day!

2/365

in real life today i am going to see the new star wars film so today’s 365 is dedicated to that <3 this is one of my non star wars characters that i think i am converting into a sith because she’s got nothing else to do.

1/365 : i woke up like this

1/365 : i woke up like this...

going to attempt another 365 this year, 366 technically, because leap year. but yeah. lets see if i can finally make it all the way through a full year of taking pics of myself.

welcome to the all new nimil-blackflag.net

yay! i finally did it! i decided today that my second life identity needed a domain instead of all these wordpress pages.. .so… here it is! still working on things, so pardon the dust.

winter princesses

winter princesses

i don’t know how to be a mom.

that’s what i said to caesey in 2008 when she joined my family. this adorable little girl floated into our store wearing love kills, and we fell in love. we kidnapped her, and we kept her for our own. i was scared to death. even though this is a virtual world, sl kids come with responsibility, and my previous sl kid had been a crazy stalker, so i was wary. i had no idea this person could steal my heart like she did.

we had bad times, her and i. things didn’t work out the first time around. i am working towards fixing as much as i can, but of course with my real life mom responsibilities, i don’t get to see her much at all.

winter camp happened and as it happens every time camp comes around, caesey joined in. this was my first year that i was able to attend parents night. it was a lovely event, a bit laggy, but a lot of fun. i stood around feeling awkward, because her other family was there (i’m a “forever mommy” now.. not her current actual mom). but she got me to sit on poseballs and take photos with her, and after a few crashes i finally snapped a good one. then she showed me her bunk, and we had our sad little goodbye moment.

i am lucky to have met this little spot of sunshine, and i gush about her constantly, i hope she always knows just how much her friendship, and her light, means to me.

hello

meh

i’m not sure why i’ve been so lazy in this blog, i’m not dead i promise! i have actually been in second life quite a bit lately. vincent goes to sleep about 8 or 9pm most nights and i jump on sl and enjoy some time with friends or quiet time with my inventory.  i’ve been able to release a few new items in the shop and i’m even tossing around the idea of taking a few photography clients, as long as they can deal with my late night schedule…

i’ve even been exploring second life again which is nice. i have no one telling me not to go certain places which opens my world up tremendously. i’ve explored rp sims, and shopping sims, and everything in between. it has reminded me how much i love this virtual world. its a nice vacation from my skybox.

roleplay sims

i guess this is mostly a post to show off photos? i did a pile up yesterday of a plurk friend.

magenta

she is the epitome of pink and glitter, so it was only fair to make her all glittery. the original is here. incase anyone else would like to give the pile up a try.

i have run out of things to talk about, so i’ll stop blogging for now…

regaining control

test

having a baby is hard. really REALLY hard. so of course i took time off to learn how to be a mom and all that good stuff. i figured i wouldn’t miss SL much because i haven’t been getting on there much lately but when you are suddenly unable to get to your safe happy spot in the middle of chaos, it can be quite unnerving.

second life has always been an escape for me, and that is usually something bad. in my case however its a necessity. i need that escape time to center myself and regain control. to stop the potential melt downs.

but i am an adult, and i have a baby boy to take care of, and sometimes escape is impossible. and so i was cracking ever so slowly under the chaos of being a mother.

babies do not sleep. i expected this, and laughed it off because i barely sleep either. but i did not realize that baby not sleeping meant baby not happy… and when babies are not happy, they start to destroy the fabric of space and time and you become a walking zombie with a baby on your boob at all hours of the day (or a bottle in your hand if you prefer).

and there is no escape.

i vented all over the place which is bad, got mad at people trying to give advice that i didn’t agree with, and all around was a douche bag in my opinion.

then my son finally learned to sleep. and i had a few hours of blissful escape when he went to bed.

everything was calm. everything was fine.

a routine has set in and now after a sweet early xmas present from family, i get my chance to escape from this chaos, and de-stress. they bought me a laptop, that can run second life, and now i don’t have to quietly sneak away from a sleeping baby only to run back in when he wakes again. i can sit next to him and snuggle and still have my escape.

balance. i needed balance.

i am trying here and there to pop in to second life (and also world of warcraft) when i can. i’ve even made a few things for my store. i’m hoping to return to blogging and photo taking, as time allows. the laptop graphics aren’t as good as my desktop, so photos will still be done at the desk, but at least i can write in bed and visit with friends. and not feel so disconnected.

i forgot

in your secret hiding place

november brought about a big change in my life, and i forgot to really write about it on here. i broke up with lucas, reconciled differences with a long lost rl love, and now live safe and happy in his home where i’ll be slowly creating another human being for the next few months… the hardest work of art i’ll probably ever create.

i’ve barely been on second life since. i did make a new store, to continue to sell the cool stuff i created under the [LuNi] name. unlike lucas, i am not using any of the items created by the both of us. he however is still selling my work, under his name, on marketplace… i do not have the time nor money to dcma all of the things he has up, but i hope he will at some point realize that this is wrong and remove them.

there were a lot of things i could not say, or do, when i was with lucas. he kept me caged up a bit, even though he’d say he never told me i couldn’t do things. his anger at me when i would do as i wished was enough to keep me locked away.

i am my own person now. and no one tells me what to do. i am enjoying my life, however its now more outside of second life than it was before. i recall being so envious of people who would leave second life, citing they had rl stuff to attend to… i finally have that, and it feels good to not NEED to log in.

i do enjoy logging in now and then, to visit with people, and play dress up. i do want to continue my fashion blog and i should write here once in a while, but i’m just not around as much as i was before…

my life is finally exciting. i have real love that doesn’t lock me away in cages and limit my interaction with the rest of the world. i’m smiling now instead of crying (except when those damn pregnancy hormones kick in) life is beautiful.

where the hell is nimil now??

yes i’m a shitty blogger. i go for long stretches of time without any sort of communication. sorry…

if you pay attention to my fashion blog, that’s where i’ve been blogging mostly. i haven’t had much to say about sl that wasn’t me shopping so eh..

i have been taking pretty pictures and becoming more comfortable with shadows and the kirsten viewer. i still use a regular viewer (at the moment singularity) for day to day second life, but kirstens has become my photo tool.

recently i was comissioned by an old friend for a couple of contest photos, here are the photos i did for her:

Malificent Berkson for Hucci and N-core spring 2011

this is for the N-core and Hucci contest

Malificent Berkson Contest Photo Fullsize

and this is for the hugo’s designs april photo contest 😀

mali is a delightful model and i love working with her.

also going on in my life, i am a meeroo mommy O_O if you noticed on my fashion blog, i have been playing with the open beta meeroos for a bit now! i’ve only got 2 rezzed cause i didn’t really want to end up with a huge truck load of them to start out with. my 2 had a baby this afternoon and now i have 3 😀 they are adorable and i need to take more pictures.. i guess that’s a reason to blog eh?

other than that, not much to say. learning a bit more about tools to make sculpties and someday meshes, learning a bit more about texturing…

i really need to come up with a new layout for this place >_< maybe that will make me want to blog more…

today was the day

the other half of my soul was found.

29/365

4 years and more to come <3